When I was a kid, I could eat anything I wanted. I remember going to my grandmas house, asking to eat the left overs in the cookie dough bowl after she was done scooping the cookie dough and putting it onto the baking pan.I could eat at McDonalds pretty much every week. Back then, they didn't offer much of anything healthy. I would get a cheeseburger kids happy meal with a coke or a chocolate shake.
Moving on to middle school, lunch was always fun. The "cool" thing to do would be to take our lunch money our parent gave us and buy a bag of Munchos and a Mt. Dew... sometimes a Snickers candy bar too.
I would eat unhealthy, and not worry at all about it. I was not very active - but I still stayed trim. Through high school, my friends and I would walk down to the corner restaurant and share a basket of french fries and each have our own soft drink. Mt. Dew being my favorite pick.
I wore a size 0-1 in high school... weighing in at about a buck 0' five.
After high school, I still stayed small... wearing a size 3-4.
Skipping along to my first pregnancy - I gained weight. A lot of weight. I ate anything I wanted - PLUS - enough for 3 more. Everyone told me I was privledged to eat more, because I was pregnant. I had to eat more for the baby. Well, that was not the smartest. I ate enough to feed an adult living inside of me - yet, when I gave birth - the little baby girl weighed under 8 pounds. Here I was, sitting at about 160... I could not believe I went from 105 to 160.
What had happened?
I figured out how to lose weight, about a year after I had my first child.
I drank lots of water, my friends and I would dance about 4 nights a week... still, only drinking salad. What did I eat? Well, every day I would eat a chicken salad... from... you guessed it, McDonalds. I would pour the ranch dressing on it and order a large fry with the salad. I guess I lost the weight because I was drinking my water - exersizing and that's all I would eat for the day.
Not exactly healthy... but, my weight went down to about 125... I could wear a size 8. Not pre-pregnancy size, but it worked okay. I had a few more curves... but was happy with my body.
Two years after losing my weight - I was pregnant again. Let's just say - I packed on the pounds again. I found myself to be an emotional eater. I would eat when I was lonely, when I was board, when I was happy... to celebrate. I weighed about 180 during the last part of my pregnancy and after pregnancy, I weighed around 172.
Another rollar coaster ride. I went on a diet, lost the weight. Did a little modeling... felt good about my body again.... Then...
You guessed it, almost three years later- pregnant again. I gained weight again. Ate quite a bit, I was very surprised by my third pregnancy. The past six years I had so many ups and downs in weight. I thought I could lose the weight easily after my third pregnancy... but, it did not happen that way.
After giving birth to my third child... I have gone up and down drastically in weight. I lost 60 pounds on the Atkins diet... only to gain the weight back a little later.
My mom was diagonsed with cancer, I lost weight - she started to go in remission... I started to gain it back. My husband was deployed to Iraq... I lost weight. My husband came back home, injured from the war - I gained weight back again.
I've been in a vicious cycle for the past 15 years. Over the past 15 years, when people meet me they have said things to me like, "oh! you have such a pretty face!"
LOL - Do I need to say more? I know the rest of me is like a tulip bulb in the dirt... but, this year - I feel like I really need to make a change. My kids are getting older, I have so many things I want to do in life that I could do much better being more fit and trim.
I don't want to go to the plus size to go shopping anymore! Have you seen some of the clothes they have? Try being 5'3" and having to pick out plus size clothes. The waist can be as big around as they are long!
I did NOT want to post a full body photo of myself - especially when I have previous petite modeling experience... however, I need to be held accountable.
Saturday, I am going to my first Over Eaters Annonomous meeting. I will let you know how that goes.
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